Like a boss
Today’s Match Report was brought to you by the rather limp wristed Jeremy Warren, long suffering Firebrand keeper. Jeremy’s condition is caused by a repeated peppering of 50-100 shots per game, this due to an apparent lack of defensive capabilities in the absence of Ed “Glass Knee” Jones.
Sometimes it’s hard to draw inspiration in writing these match reports, and tonight was going to be one of those nights until James “I can be your hero baby” Lappers stood forward and showed the world that if we were going to lose then by God we would do it in style. With panache and debonair he took the game by the scruff of the neck, gave it a damn good thrashing like a head boy of days gone by… And told it to stop being a very naughty boy.
Duly told it started to listen for a while and our dashing marketeer scored 3 stunning goals before the game decided, ‘actually I’m not going to listen, so there’! Our keeper back in goal, not having let in a goal against any opponents for 7 weeks! That’s right, no opposition player had beaten him in 7 weeks… He stood tall, well taller than Tom Cruise anyway (yes really! half an inch thank you!)
Tonight was not to be firebrands night tho and we couldn’t get any kind of momentum going. Ralph tried his hardest in defence, Peter worked hard up front, Russell had another shot this week and Jason DIDN’T score an own goal but alas the 3 goals were all that we could muster. Living socialites should have scored 57 goals, they expected to, they had the shots on target but the keeper managed to keep it down to single figures*
In fact, the official man of the match award was given to Jez who nearly had his wrist AND nose broken in the process of saving shots, so ferocious was the socialites attack.
All this in front of one of the founders of firebrand, camera in hand! So once again, thanks from the team to our lone supporter, this time Rob Chapman. What a pity we couldn’t put on a better show, but as the saying goes, “the sun will come out tomorrow” (or is that a dodgy song?) so please join us next week for our penultimate match which is sure to be a fiery encounter. Make sure you attend, especially if you can’t make the presentation evening on the 25th in which the ever young Jason Crane has something special lined up…
*in each half.