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AC Firebrand v Living Socialites (pre season friendly) – Match Report Weds 5th June 2013

So I figured I’d start a new thread documenting my company 5-a-side football teams rise to fame at Top Corner, Our team is called AC Firebrand and the match reports our written by team comedian Jeremy Warren.

To give you some context, we are a rag tag bunch of small time professional footballers, don’t believe me? Here’s some skills……

So here’s the first report…..

AC Firebrand 0 – 11 Living Socialites – Match Report Weds 5th June 2013

It is with a heavy heart and aching body that I bring you this morning’s match report… (more like broken wrists in both hands actually)

(Editors note – If you don’t want to read the highlights, watch the video highlights….)


Yesterday evening saw the pre season work continue for AC Firebrand, with a friendly organised against last seasons runaway leaders, the Bayern Munich of The Elephant & Castle 5 A Side league if you will. Living Socialites by name, giving nothing of their pace and ability away in their name.

It was an onslaught from the kick off, the socialites gaining the ball almost immediately, running past the entire Firebrand squad in perfect little passing triangles before firing in a ferocious shot on goal. The keeper, almost wraith like took flight from a standing start and flew like a majestic eagle to his left, palming the ball away. This was just the start, however, and as the Socialites plied their well rehearsed trade, shot upon shot rained down onto the Firebrand goal. It was only a matter of time before the net was breached, and this breach came after about 5 minutes, with an unstoppable shot, rifled into the top left of the net. Had there been a couple of off duty policemen loitering around with a speedgun at their side, the LCD display would flash red that the shot would have exceeded 100mph!

One nil soon became two nil, followed by a third, but by this time, the hardy Firebrand Lions were starting to take shape and get more and more into the game. Pass went to feet, Gordon showing some sublime skill, with neat little one-two’s with Oskar and Leon, Ed marshalling the defence to the best of his ability, before a rumbling was heard, like an echo of past glories, something guttral, borne of another time, the sound rising from the very core of Leon before he roared to the skies and unleashed the most ferocious shot ever seen since Stuart Pearce’s infamous penalty miss, which led to a Pizza Hut commercial. Straight into the back of the net, the whites of the keepers eyes wider than ever before, so glad was he not to have even seen the shot, let alone get any part of his body behind it. 3-1, AC Firebrand, despite being down, were not out yet.

On came Jack, Staffy and Ralph, each showing commitment and passion, but perhaps it was lucky the season has not started yet, there is still some pre season work to do before this team will be able to challenge for the top spot, but challenge they will, make no mistake about that.

Only the keepers brilliance prevented it from being a big loss, with the Socialites ending up 9-3 victors. Leon proving his worth to the team, firing in two goals and desperately unlucky not to score a hattrick. Oskar got the 3rd, but was possibly lucky to still be on the pitch after an altercation with the beast from Seville in the corner during the 1st half. This is passion, this is football, this is Firebrand!

All in all, as pre season friendly’s go, there were plenty of positives to be gained and we will push on and learn from this defeat before coming back for a dish best served cold, possibly in the season decider later on in the year…

Not every week will pit us against 7 foot giants, so plenty to cheer about and lots of positives for the future.

There is no final soundbite from the man who would be Clough tonight, as he is in mid air, flying back from Dubai, but rest assured, no tea pots need to be flung, no boots kicked in anger and no boycott of the BBC required. We will regroup and come back stronger, leaner, meander and victorious!

We are Firebrand, hear us ROAR!!


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This entry was posted on July 15, 2013 by in Sport, YouTube and tagged , , , , , .
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