From Blade

Like a boss

What the World needs now is a Zombie Apocalypse

I’m breaking from form to write opinion, sometimes random, often satirical and almost always controversial (nb. for the slower amongst you, most of what I write is not what I truly believe)

So to the point, the world as a majority has lost sight of what’s important, New Yorkers protesting the potential ban of super size drinks (the greatest example of first world problems ever witnessed), a global financial crisis caused by ongoing overspending/excess borrowing and North bloody Korea threatening the western world with nuclear warfare. We live over complicated lives full of stress worry and debt, whilst many of us work in dead end jobs that serve no real purpose. Take the writers at the Big Issue for example, we’ve all bought a copy at some point (helping the greater good), but has anyone ever read one? They could fill a Big Issue cover with 60 pages of blank paper and the “readership” would never know the difference. Or toilet attendants in club, thanks very much but I used deodorant and/or cologne before leaving the house and believe it or not I can was my hands without your assistance.

We need to get back to basics, realise what’s important in life – friends, family, the environment, helping others in need and above all else love. Confucius sums it up so well “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it difficult. Well you will all be happy to know I’ve come up with a plan to get back to basics, a Zombie Apocalypse.


I for one am ready to fully embrace the prospect of a zombie apocalypse and according to we only have to wait another 576 days, 3 hours and 10 minutes. Nothing like the downfall of civilisation and your own impending death to make you realise what’s important in life.

Do you think you’ll be updating Facebook with “omfg, totes got bit by a zombie today, YOLO”? Will you really have time for TV while zombie munches on your brain? Are you so fat you can’t run? Too bad, you’re probably already dead already….face it Zombies take us back to basics, survival of the fittest, loving with your whole heart and living for the moment as you never know when the rage zombies from 28 weeks later will try and run you down.

I’ve got my plan ready for when the apocalypse gets here:

Step 1: Regroup at home, check Big A P and Reyno have survived, everyone needs a zombie apocalypse wingman. Who’s yours’?

Step 2: Get the car and head to Brixton police station, riot gear and weaponry is a must. Weapons of choice, Shotgun for head shots as everyone knows zombies die if you shoot them in the head and a machete for when shit gets intimate.

Step 3: Escape the city, time to get out of densely populated areas and off to the countryside. To my parents home to protect them.

Step 4: Clear the area of zombies, the only time its acceptable to go on a shooting spree in public.

Step 5: Set up a defensive perimeter and begin life again.

So there we have it, the worlds problems solved. Don’t like my survival plan, why not create your own?


One comment on “What the World needs now is a Zombie Apocalypse

  1. cmdrysdale
    April 3, 2013

    You can try running for the hills (or rather the countryside in your scenario), but the zombies will still get you in the end. Me, I’m heading for the sea. When the zombie apocalypse comes, the safest place you can be is on a boat – After all everyone knows zombies can’t swim!

    Nice post by the way.

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This entry was posted on April 3, 2013 by in Opinion and tagged , , , , , , .
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